You Finally Gave Me Something to Lose
by little-linds
Summary: Takes place the night before CeCe's wedding. Jess is feeling a bit sorry for herself, which Nick can relate to.


**This was written quite a while back (actually, I think before First Date even aired) and it's been barely touched since (and not beta'd). I don't anticipate this as a one-shot, but it really depends on how much inspiration I get in the next few days/week.**

Nick Miller has a huge list of things he just cannot deal with. He tries, he really does, but the list gets longer pretty much everyday. It include things like: people vomiting (which sucks when you're a bartender), people who chew loudly (which also sucks when you're a bartender), and people crying (you're probably sensing a theme here). It's not that he's insensitive, he just doesn't know how to _console_. He thinks that you are either born with the gift to make other people feel better...or you just aren't. And, he's in the latter group.

So, when he walks into the apartment after a long shift at work (in which someone vomited right next to bathroom _thankyouverymuch_) and Jess is sitting on the couch, legs curled under her, eyes red and puffy, his first reaction is to run in the opposite direction.

But, this is Jess. And even though he can't cope with other people crying, he also can't handle a sad Jess and he has a very not-Nick-Miller-like urge to run over to her and ask what's wrong.

She quickly hits the stop button on the remote and is cast in blue from the TV.

No matter how strong an urge he has to fix whatever is bothering her - and so help him God if some douche did something to her, he will kill them - he knows he needs to tread softly because he's just not good at this. It doesn't help that he hasn't talked to Jess since the Bachelorette party. The past few weeks they've had an unspoken avoidance of each other and he's not exactly sure why.

"Hey Jess, whatcha watching?" he asks, knowing full well that it's an innocent question that can open a can of worms. The really nasty type, too.

"Nothing," she replies, gripping the remote control.

"Dirty Dancing?"

She shakes her head.

"Free Willy?"

She shakes her head again.

"That animal commercial with the Sarah McLachlan song?"

A tear silently slides down her face as she stares at the TV through her oversized glasses. He walks over and takes the remote control from her, presses play and a really hairy Tom Hanks floods the screen

He can hear Jess sniffle and he can't help but laugh quietly.

"It's not funny, Nick Miller!" she exclaims, indignantly.

"Castaway, Jess? Really?"

"The whole movie isn't sad, I was just at the part when he loses Wilson! It's like he lost his _only_ friend!"

If this was anyone else he would probably die of laughter right here on the living room floor, but it's Jess, and she looks sad and even if he's not good at reading people, he can read her. He doesn't know why, but to him, she's just readable.

He sits down near her, but not touching her. He hasn't touched her since the awkward boob grab after their "date." Its not that he hasn't wanted to - it's pretty much all he's been thinking about lately - he just hasn't had the opportunity what with the whole avoiding thing. "That's true, I guess," he adds.

"Yeah, and even after he gets off the island, he goes back and everyone's moved on without him." She gestures towards the TV, "People who weren't married when he went missing are now married...and he's alone."

There's about 5 seconds of silence while he starts to realize what's actually bothering her. Cece's wedding is tomorrow and he'd bet all the money he has on him (which is actually quite a bit, he's been doing really well with tips and stuff at work) that Jess's sadness is a result of this.

"Jess, you aren't alone," he says, looking straight ahead at the TV.

"I know," she says quietly, her voice so small he can barely hear her. "And I know I'm being selfish and emotional right now...but I feel...I don't know...left behind I guess."

He whips his face towards her. "What?"

"As long as Cece is happy, I'm happy for her. But it just means one more of my friends is getting married and I'm not even close and I'm working a job that barely pays the rent and I miss working with kids and I'm in my 30s and I just..." she trails off and he wants to kiss her to stop her from continuing because it feels an awful lot like the thoughts that swim around in his head every day. He doesn't kiss her, instead he just moves closer to her, which seems like a big deal too, because he's not running away from her, trying to avoid any and all tears that will surely come from this conversation.

"Jess, you're not in your 30s, your 30, there's a difference," he says.

She laughs quietly and it's the best sound in the world. Not just her laugh, but knowing he's the one who made it happen.

She gets serious again and looks at him for the first time since he walked in the apartment, and as if reading his mind asks, "Do you ever feel this way?"

He scoffs with a sarcastic chuckle at the end. "Every minute of every day." Her blue eyes meet his and she has this look on her face that resembles pity, but he knows Jessica Day doesn't pity people, she sympathizes, there's a difference.

"I'm sorry," she says, touching his arm. "What do you do to make yourself feel better?"

He laughs again, but not in a patronizing way, in a way that tells her he's not cut out for this type of talk. He continues anyway. "Aside from drown myself in a 6-pack of beer?"

She nods quietly and he realizes her hand is still on his arm. She's still touching him and it gives him the resolve he needs to be totally honest. "Um, I usually come to you."

Her eyes widen and more tears fall down her face, but she's smiling and it doesn't look out of place. God, he wishes she wouldn't cry like that though. It's not like her _break up cry_ she had after what's-his-face, it's her silent cry that he knows means she's really hurting. The same cry she had when she lost her job.

"Jess, I'm not good at this." She doesn't quite know what he's referring to and if she asked him, he would tell her he doesn't know either. "If I was saying all this stuff that you're saying and thinking, what would you say to me to make me feel better?" He turns towards her and she does the same. Now their knees are touching and his bad day is _almost_ wiped away with these little touches.

"I would tell you that you might not realize how or why, but this is where you need to be right now. Things will come to you when you're ready for them and to try to be patient and I know it's hard, but whenever you feel down about yourself, I'll be here. You are funny and you make me laugh **all** the time. You work hard at the things you care about. You're caring and you always look out for me, and those are things you should be proud of." The last part she says with a side smile.

"God, you're good," he smiles, the remaining pieces of his bad day long gone.

She looks down at their knees touching and whispers, "I've missed you." She doesn't look him in the face, so he pulls her into a half hug. Without thought, she wraps her arms around him.

"You've gotten better at this hugging thing," she adds, softly laughing.

"I've learned from the best."

They sit there like that for a while, neither one of them wanting to break the embrace. Jess looks up at him, their noses almost touching. "Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome," he returns and, God, he's missed this face.

"I should probably get to bed," she says. "I gotta get up early for Cece's wedding tomorrow." Even when she says this she doesn't move. So, he just responds with a good night.

She smiles, pulls away and starts to walk across the apartment, stopping to look at him before going into her room and closing the door.

-–

He hasn't run into her all day because she's been out doing bridesmaid-y stuff with Cece, so when he gets the call from her asking him to bring her favorite lipgloss from her room, his heart skips a beat. Not a big, wussy skip, but a small insignificant skip. Or so he tells himself.

He's not usually in her room without her there, so when he enters it, he feels slightly like a trespasser.

He looks at her dresser, the one he built for her, and he's not sure how he's never noticed it before, but there's a picture of the two of them slipped into the corner of her mirror. It was taken at the wedding after he had his melt down and Jess talked him into coming out of the photo booth. Probably somewhere between the chicken dance and her making him feel like his heart might actually mend. He's not sure how she does it, makes him feel like that, but he reminds himself not to dwell.

The top of her dresser is kind of a mess, but _all_ _her_. Makeup is scattered around, there's a ticket stub from a movie the four of them went to see a few weeks ago, some hair rubber bands, and a small vial of perfume. There's also a framed picture of her and Cece from when they were young.

Even as a 12 year old, Jess had a smile that makes you think you'll never look as happy as she can.

He grabs the lipgloss and heads out of her room, leaving everything as it was.

When he gets to the hall, the _incident_ has already started. Nick walks up to Winston and he kinda shrugs. He can tell that something has happened, that the wedding has stopped. Winston tells him Jess is in the "girls dressing room" with Cece. All the guests are leaving and he overhears one of them say, "My God he's an idiot! Did you see how hot she is?"

Nick is hanging back in the hall when Winston tells him he's going to find Schmidt and leave. He's about to go with them but then Jess walks out in her sari and he stops in his tracks. She's absolutely beautiful, but not in an obvious way, in a Jess way. Her dress is blue and tapers at her small waist. One shoulder is bare and he has stop his brain from picturing his lips touching it. Her hair is pulled back low and loose, her bangs swiping to the side. The blue dress brings out the color of her eyes, he can see them from down the hall, behind long lashes.

To anyone else she would look fine, but not to him. He can see the confusion on her face, the slight hesitation when someone asks her where the bathroom is. She pushes up against the wall to get out of the way and she looks tired and confused. A tired and confused Jess often leads into an argument between the two of them, but he walks quickly down to her anyway.

When she sees him her whole face brightens. He gently takes her arm and pulls her into a nearby room. It's small and kinda dark, but it's quiet and he can see her face and that's all he needs.

"What's going on?" he asks, his voice coming out more harsh than he intended.

"Shivrang called off the wedding," she says.

He doesn't try to hide his surprise. "What?" he asks, exasperated.

"I know!" she says.

"How's she doing?"

"I'm not sure," she shrugs slightly. It's a small shrug with big meaning. "She's acting really strange, like it's no big deal, and she doesn't want to talk about it really. She told me she just wants to be alone." He can tell something more is bothering her, but he doesn't push.

When Nick heads back in the hall, Schmidt and Winston are leaving. He tells them Jess is grabbing her stuff and Winston tells him to just drive his car home and he'll ride with Schmidt, because he just wants to get out of there. The crowd is getting bigger and people are chatting, rushing around because they are all heading to the reception, with or without the non-newlyweds.

Jess walks towards him with her duffel bag and he leads her outside.

He's not exactly sure how the situation escalated so quickly - how he ended up driving Winston's car, halfway to Las Vegas, Jess in the passenger seat drinking wine straight out of the bottle. He knows it started when Jess called Cece and she said she didn't want Jess to come over. And then there was something about how the whole Cece/Shivrang thing didn't work because it was spontaneous, but not "spontaneous enough." Then, Jess said she wanted to do something spontaneous and he guesses Las Vegas came up and maybe a reference to The Hangover and there they are.

Winston is fully aware of their impromptu road trip, albeit not exactly happy about it. Nick thinks it's not his car he's worried about, but the roommate dynamic.

Right now, he thinks _Screw the roommate dynamic_ because even though (or because?) Jess is slightly tipsy, he sees her staring at him with a huge smile on her face, head resting on the seat and his heart does the skipping a beat thing again. Then, when a certain song comes on the radio, she belts it out without restraint. She's an amazing singer, really. Her voice is strong, yet feminine and when she closes her eyes to sing a high note, she scrunches her nose and it's, by far, the cutest thing he's ever seen.

He laughs and she giggles, clapping to the song, dancing in her seat.

They have to stop at three different hotels before they find one that has a vacancy and not crazy, expensive rates. Nick can never remember the name of the hotel, but it's the one with the gondola below it, which he finds kind of weird. They get really excited when the front desk clerk says they have room (they were afraid they'd have to sleep in the car or drive back) but she says it's the honeymoon suite and "a courtesy upgrade that is reserved for newlyweds." Nick starts to frown but Jess's arm goes around him and without a beat tells the clerk that they are, in fact, newlyweds! Clever girl, even though she's slightly tipsy, Jess thinks to hide her left hand between his arm and torso.

The clerk stares at them and Jess smiles, "So we'll take the room," she adds.

Someone pipes up behind him and they both turn, Jess's arms still locked around him. "Oh my God, congratulations!" A tall blonde in a light pink dress exclaims. She hugs Jess and grabs her left hand, frowning at the lack of ring.

"It was a spontaneous wedding," Jess trails, losing sight of her lie.

Nick chimes in, "Yeah, we had to get the ring resized. It was my grandma's and she had huge fingers. We didn't want to wait for something minimal like a ring to get married. I just couldn't spend one more day without her as my wife." He looks down at Jess, crimson flushing her face. She steps up on her toes and timidly kisses him on the cheek and he almost forgets the game they're playing.

Blondie clasps her hands together. "Oh my god, you guys are adorable! I can't wait for my wedding! We..." she puts her arm around a tall, dark-haired man that she's with and wiggles her left hand, showing off a huge diamond on her ring finger, "just got engaged actually!"

Jess grabs her hand and looks at the ring, gushing over how pretty it is while Blondie's fiance checks them in.

He asks if she's ready to go and she waves to them, says she'll seem them later, and rushes away.

They're eating at the bar in a restaurant called "Casanova." Nick thinks it's a pretty douchey name for a restaurant, but they were hungry and it's the first place they found. They've been there less than 45 minutes and they're both pretty drunk, and apparently, both of them drunk equals an awful lot of flirting.

Jess keeps touching his arm and he thinks about how they went two weeks without talking and now there's been two days of touching. Two days of touching, and caring, and wanting, and how did he go two weeks without talking to her and how did he go his whole life without touching her? She leans in and whispers something that he can't quite hear over the music, but when her eyes dart over to the door and back to him, he gets the hint.

The Couple walks through the door and Blondie immediately zones in on Nick and Jess. She beelines over to them and says what a coincidence it is that they are both there. She starts talking about how they're already making plans for their wedding and she asks Jess for some tips on how she planned something so big, so quickly. Nick is worried that Jess is going to break their cover, but she starts lying (or according to her, fibbing) easily, talking about how if it's easy and meant to be, it just comes together, because having a great wedding isn't the point, having a great marriage is.

It's his turn to be surprised and he sets a soft kiss on her cheek. Blondie says that it's obvious they are made for each other and asks how Nick proposed. Nick looks at her, not able to think on his feet, and she senses his hesitation. "Oh, alright, I know it's kind of personal. Well, let me tell you how we got engaged! We were friends and then we became best friends, almost inseparable. We both had significant others though and both of our relationships weren't going that great so we told each other that if we were both single by the time we turned 28, we would get married! Well, we didn't, because when we turned 28 we were both in a relationship, but...fast forward a few years...I was getting out of a bad relationship, and we were talking about our pact and then we kissed and...it was meant to be.

Nick thinks that's actually kind of a great story and even though Dark Haired Guy is kind of quiet, he thinks their opposite traits just work well together.

Blondie tells them that she'll give them some room and then she's off with her fiance and Nick and Jess are left alone.

Jess smiles at him, her face crimson like it was earlier, but this time she doesn't look away.

"I'm really glad we came here. I'm having a great time," she says, looking at him from under her lashes.

"Me too. And to think, we haven't even done any gambling yet!" he says. She laughs and agrees.

"Hey, you know, maybe we should make that pact, too. If we're both single by the time we're 28, we'll get married or something," Jess says, excitedly.

"We are 28, Jess..." She narrows her eyes at him. "I mean, older than that," he corrects.

She looks confused, "Oh yeah, okay," she says, her face reddening even more.

She seems upset and she looks like she's about to backtrack, so he blurts out, "38!"

Jess laughs, "That's so far away! How about 36?"

"35?" Nick offers.

Now they're both laughing. They shake on it, but Nick hangs onto her hand, pulling it towards him. He wraps his thumb and forefinger around her ring finger, forming a ring. He can feel her staring at him, and it's a bit too much, so he excuses himself to use the bathroom.

He really does have to go.

When he walks back towards the bar, he's pissed. There's a guy standing next to Jess, talking to her, touching her arm. Nick thinks he might be more angry at the fact that it's not angering Jess. She actually seems okay with this fucktard touching her.

He walks up to them furiously, and asks what the fuck is going on? Jess is taken aback and gives him her disappointed look.

"Nick, Alan here was just telling me about some great things we should do while we're here," Jess explains.

"Oh, I'm sure Alan did!" he says, laughing loudly. "Jess, did you forget that we are _married_?"

"What are you talking about?" she asks.

"What if they saw you flirting with him!" He points to Alan, who has a confused look on his face.

"They left 5 minutes ago!" Jess yells, jumping off her barstool. "I am NOT doing this in here!" she says and grabs Nick's arm.

She's tiny, but fierce, and she pulls him out to the hallway. "What was that?" she asks.

"Excuse me?" he says, his bottom jaw jutting out.

"I was just talking to Alan. He was being _helpful_."

"Oh, you mean by touching you?" he asks.

"Please! He was just being friendly."

"Oh my God Jess, you are so naive! He was flirting with you!" He can't believe that she doesn't get it.

"I am NOT naive!" she says, biting out the words.

"He was practically groping you," he says. She immediately scowls at him for like 20 seconds. He slowly walks up to her and runs his hands up and down her arms.

"What are you doing?" she asks, breathily, staring into his eyes.

He pauses and leans in close. "Just being friendly," he says.

She rips her arms away. "How can you blame me for not knowing when a guy is just being a friend or when he's actually interested in me? Guys are always _so_ confusing!"

"Oh please, women are way worse," he says, arms crossed over his chest.

"Oh, that's mature," she says, crossing her arms as well. "Well, you know, I wouldn't have so much trouble deciphering what guys mean, if _some_ of them weren't so wishy washy and if _some_ of them would actually tell me how they feel, and if the one guy I _thought_ liked me and I _wished_ liked me wouldn't give me such. MIXED. SIGNALS!" She actually stomps her foot at the last two words and it's the cutest goddamn thing he's ever seen.

The realization of what she just said hits her instantly and both of her hands go over her mouth, her eyes wide open.

He pauses again. "Are you talking about me?" he asks, almost sincerely. She rolls her eyes and pushes him. She's furious, but he's smiling and he can see very clearly on her face the battle she's having with herself, but then she just smiles and kisses him hard.

It takes him a half a second to react, his arms around her, pulling her close. He dips a bit, to give them equal height, and her arms go up and around his shoulders (he loves it when she does that). He turns them so she's backed against the wall and he pulls away.

"Is that signal clear?" he asks.

"_I _kissed _you_," she says, matter-of-factly.

"Well, I kissed you the first time."

"I've been wanting to kiss you again for awhile," she confesses.

"I've been wanting to kiss you for forever," he says, staring at her lips. He kisses her again, this time slow and deep. She pushes her body towards him and lets out a small noise that drives him crazy. He moves to her neck and she digs into his back.

'"Maybe we should head upstairs," she whispers.

"Yeah, okay," he says, and quickly grabs her hand, pulling her towards the elevator. She laughs as they run to the elevator and he pushes the button five times in a row.

He looks at her and kisses her again. Her hands go up to his face when he pulls away. "Don't know if I'm gonna be able to stop kissing you now," he says.

"Don't know if I want you too," she says, grinning slyly.

The elevator dings and they rush into it. There's a family of five in there and it's kinda cramped. Jess walks in and scoots over to the side and Nick scoots over towards her, but a few young guys run in and push Nick over to the other side.

It's the longest goddamn elevator ride of his life. Jess is looking down and she is seriously biting her lip to keep from smiling because he's trying to push his way over to her. The guys that jumped in at the last minute are being loud and talking about blowjobs and one of the 8 year olds crammed in the back asks what a blowjob is and Jess almost chokes.

She's staring at him, her cheeks flushed from the cramped, hot elevator, and the young guys get off the elevator and (much to the dismay of the mom) so does the family with the 8 year old. The elevator door is barely closed before Nick and Jess crash together in the middle, grabbing at each other, kissing everywhere.


End file.
